Maya returned to her room after a quick rendezvous with her lover. She paced her room like a tigress in a cage. They had managed a quick kiss and a hurried cuddle but she wanted more. She was becoming increasingly greedy. She wanted to talk, to listen, to laugh, to hold hands, to sing, to dance, to play, to argue, to annoy, and so much more. She wanted to explore, take her time to look at the body, stare at the curves and trace each one of them with her fingers. She wanted time on her side.
Her mind harked back to the time when she had a friend (let’s call her Nupur) stay over at her place. Despite their contrasting personalities and constant arguments, they were thick friends. One night as they slept, she heard Nupur sobbing. When she placed her hand on her to console, Nupur turned to her, held her close and started sobbing. Maya hugged her back and kept running her hands through her hair and her back to soothe her. After sometime the sobs subsided. But the tightness of the hug did not.
They lay still, listening to the whirring of the fan and the occasional croaking of the frogs. Nupur lay ensconced in the nape of Maya’s neck. The warmth of her breath came in contact with her tears that had rolled down Maya’s neck and produced a cooling sensation. Suddenly, Maya grew conscious of Nupur grazing against her neck. The soft nibbling continued and the tiny kisses begin to extend to her chest. It was not expected from Nupur. Maya was in a state of shock, but the feeling was not unpleasant. On the contrary, it was most pleasurable. It was thrilling, it was titillating.
Maya returned to her senses and held Nupur’s face firmly with both hands before things went down, literally. She looked into her eyes and slowly and gently laid her down beside her. She took her wandering hands and held them in hers. Then she cradled her in her arms and lulled her to sleep. Maya knew Nupur was a very sensitive soul. She was away from her parents and in a region where the language, food and customs were alien to her. She was overwhelmed and since Maya was the only known entity in her life at that point of time, she was seeking succour in her.
Maya knew it was just a momentary indiscretion on Nupur’s part. Nupur liked her immensely. So much so that she had written long emails to Maya every day during their internship last year, describing every single thing that she experienced there. She also described the man she met and liked during that brief period to be very similar to Maya. Maya was ever grateful for the pure affection that Nupur showered on her despite her flaws. She was also pragmatic enough to realize that whatever happened then was an emotional suspension of rationality.
The unguardedness on Nupur’s part did stir something in Maya. The anticipation of what was to come, of what might have been. The excitement, the expectation was so much more exhilarating. To burn slowly in desire, in ardent passion. To yearn, long, pine. The aching for someone one’s heart was set on held more allure than getting them. The furtive glances, the long gazes, the brushing of the fingertips as the hands try to reach out, fingertip caressing the tremulous lips were just some of the images which fired her imagination. She wanted to see the goosebumps bursting out on the skin of her lover as she touched them. She wanted to run her fingers through their hair, sometimes clutching hard and at other times nails gently scratching the scalp. She wanted to suckle their finger tips and toes and watch them squirm with pleasure. She wanted to draw patterns on their back. The tattoo on their sinewy back held her fascination. She wanted to ask them about it. She wanted to play with the sole of their feet. She wanted to drink from the dip in their neck. She wanted to blow raspberries on their stomach to hear the funny noises and laugh aloud together. She wanted to suck from their navel. She wanted to tickle them till they doubled down with laughter. She wanted to be a witness to each sigh, each quiver, each tremble, each whimper.
She wanted to talk about politics, movies, books, history, religion, philosophy. She wanted to listen to them talk about their interests, their deepest secrets, their darkest desires. She wanted provocative arguments between them so that their horizons could be widened. She wanted to read them like a book. She wanted to know everything about them. She wanted to know the story behind each scar on their body. She wanted to memorize each part of their body, discover each mole in forbidden places. She wanted to hold them close, so close that not even a whiff of air could pass through them. She wanted raw passion and undeniable lust in their eyes for her. She wanted to seduce and be seduced. The coming together was to be an organic process, a natural flow. She wanted to hold their hands and search for the elusive bliss in the wilderness. The gradual buildup of the small moments into an incandescent shuddering crescendo was something she craved for.
The sweet agony of the waiting was precious to her. She found utmost pleasure in the idea of what might transpire between them if they had time on their side. It could be an exploration of the bodies and minds and that would ultimately lead to a culmination of a thousand spoken, unspoken, acknowledged and unrecognized desires. It would be a journey of pure sensuality, a celebration of gratifying the senses, which would bring them close and yet pull them apart.
In the throes of passion, both would seek ecstasy which would be distinctly different experiences for each of them. It was similar to the whirling dervishes going through the same movements seeking connection with the One. Yet, each one’s connection was different.
She wanted to be blissfully intoxicated by the end. All this and so much more, if only time would be on their side.
Artwork credit: Europeana on Unsplash
Sensual, indeed!