On January 18, 2025, Varta Trust’s mental health peer counsellors organized a community dialogue called ‘Queer Worldmaking in the Face of Conversion Therapy’ at Kalinath Angan in South Kolkata. A report on the dialogue (Queer Worldmaking as a Form of Resilience) was published in the February 2025 issue of Varta. The authors of this series of articles participated in the dialogue as speakers. Meera Dhebar, a researcher and therapist based in Canada, was visiting Kolkata. She co-presented with Aritra C., a clinical psychologist and doctoral researcher based in Kolkata. This article series, based on email exchanges between the authors after the dialogue, is their way of extending the conversation on queer worldmaking into the pages of Varta. The series will conclude next month.

Read the first and second articles in the series here and here. In the first two articles, the authors exchanged ideas around queer worldmaking and queer elders, and discussed how to deal with the challenge of conversion therapy. In this article, they talk about experiencing change in their thinking and learning to question presumptions – their own and those passed on through academic training.

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An iconic symbolization of email – a small white envelope inside a square blue clickable button, with the button placed upright on a glazed blue surface and against a blue and white glowing background. Graphic credit: Mariia Shalabaieva on UnsplashDear Aritra

I am writing to you now from Maringa, Parana, Brazil, where I am spending four weeks, a week each in a different city, as the last bit of work connected to my post-doctoral research. I am getting a sense of how challenging life is here, how hard people must work to get by, to embrace hope. Everyone is so happy to receive me with big warm hugs, they are eager to spend time with me, to make me feel welcomed in their city and to learn about their rich cultural traditions. Most people speak very little English, and all my talks are translated. They also don’t often have international visitors, especially in the smaller cities that I am visiting. This project is a continuation of what I was doing in Kolkata, and I love all that I am learning.

I have been reflecting a lot on colonialism and activism here, and how we need to continue to push for change and to centre marginalized voices. There is a large Black and Indigenous population here, but I see how separated they are from the mainstream privileged society. I am saddened and touched that the same patterns continue to be repeated in yet another part of the world – structural racism, systemic class-based marginalization, together experienced as deep erasure from everyday life. It leads me to want to explore other parts of India and visit different communities on my next trip.

This photograph is a mid-range shot of mental health professional and co-author of the accompanying article, Meera Dhebar. She is standing on a stage, speaking into a cordless mic, and making a presentation on her post-doctoral research. She has short hair, is bespectacled, and is wearing a long mauve kurta and white palazzo. She looks out at the audience as a slide projected on a screen behind her says ‘Social Justice Approaches in Mental Health’. Her name and educational qualifications are mentioned below the slide title, as well as the date of the presentation – June 16, 2025. The presentation venue is in Brazil, where the author was travelling for work at the time of writing this article. Photo courtesy Meera Dhebar

Meera Dhebar making a presentation on her post-doctoral research in Brazil. Photo courtesy Meera Dhebar

I cannot help but consider the communities and circles I am part of in Vancouver, Canada, and wonder if there are other spaces to occupy, other ways to agitate and push for change. Something here is inspiring me, giving me a gentle nudge to look further. I am also realizing more fully the privileged people I speak to in these university settings, and worry that while we are all engaging in important conversations, they are only with each other. How can I more fully help support those who are not in these spaces, how else can I be using my position to amplify other voices, and who else can I be learning from?

My time here is leading me to ask some different questions, and I am inspired by my host particularly for what he showed me this week, inspiring me to look to social and cultural movements led by artists and activists. I also realize that I am truly disheartened and disappointed to see how wasteful and capitalist we are in Canada. I have many strong values and beliefs, but I am questioning if I am living in a way that is fully aligned with these values and beliefs.

All these questions tell me that my two weeks here have already shifted something in me. I am excited to share this with you. I am on the plane traveling to my third destination, eager and curious for the experiences which await me. I am going to ask the students and faculty I meet to tell me about their cultural and activist movements, to learn more about their structures and strategies.

Aritra, I am curious about the times when you have realized you were going through a profound change, or were deeply moved or touched by something that led you to ask questions about yourself and your practice. Who inspired you, what did you learn?

With love
Meera

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An iconic symbolization of email – a small white envelope inside a square blue clickable button, with the button placed upright on a glazed blue surface and against a blue and white glowing background. Graphic credit: Mariia Shalabaieva on UnsplashDear Meera

My eyes lit up when you spoke about your next trip to India, thinking that I would get to meet you again and continue our unfinished conversations in person. I resonate with you when you wonder if there are spaces to occupy and agitate in, that we are probably missing out on, which do not cross our minds as readily.

We often joke about this in familiar activism and advocacy spaces regarding many of the round-the-clock events happening year after year – we end up sensitizing the sensitized. The faces are the same every time, and we worry if we are ever able to reach out beyond our echo chambers. This contention is not a new one. Yet, I must say that it is not a linear exercise to think of immediate solutions out of it.

Like you, I have often been smitten with an existential dilemma of not living out my values fully from time to time. The discord between values and actions is a perennial one and being self-aware does not make it any easier.

This long-shot photograph shows mental health professional and co-author of the accompanying article, Aritra C., conducting a guided listening circle with queer and transgender individuals on issues of family acceptance and social support. The listening circle was part of an event titled ‘Amma’s Pride: Path to Pride’ held in Kolkata in May 2025. In a spacious air-conditioned room with wood-panelled walls and wooden floor, Aritra is standing to the left of the photograph gesturing with open hands to make a point. A co-presenter stands next to her. Across the room are around 18 community members seated in a semi-circle on chairs, or standing behind the chairs. Most of them have handouts in their hands or placed on their lap. They listen avidly as Aritra speaks. A small table stands in the centre of the room with assorted papers and material for artwork placed on it. The room is lit up with white ceiling lights. A few wall fans, two sound system speakers, two air-conditioners, and a white board placed on a wooden stand form the backdrop of the room. Photo credit: Nilanjan Majumdar

Aritra C. conducting a guided listening circle on family acceptance and social support for queer and transgender persons at an event titled ‘Amma’s Pride: Path to Pride’ held at Raya Debnath Memorial Hall, Kolkata on May 4, 2025. Photo credit: Nilanjan Majumdar

I am reminded of my training days where queerphobia, casteism, and ableism were so rampant that it was hard for me to gulp it down day after day and pretend as if there was nothing wrong. At this time, there was no singular event to signify the change I experienced. But it was life-changing for me in the sense that I stopped looking at the training curriculum as unbiased. I could zoom out and look at the curriculum critically, which is often difficult as we remain strongly enmeshed within the training system. I certainly consider this change to be a pivotal turning point in how I now think as a clinician and question what is perhaps too often taken for granted.

This change has had such a sobering effect on the kind of practice that I deliver. It has prompted me to look deeply into my mental health training and not take it at face value. I realized that the training can be questionable and filled with the same prejudices that I encounter outside the classroom. What this has created out of me is a strong critic of curricular realities.

I have been inspired by the mad and crip movements as well as the queer movements that have pushed back against prejudiced systems since their inception. Therein, I have found an area where I can progressively intervene and facilitate by bridging the gap between mainstream healthcare spaces and marginalized communities. I have often stepped in as an interface to spark dialogue across these spaces, though I must admit that it is quite a tedious job.

In my journey of doing better, the cherry on the top has been to be able to learn from the survivor-activist movements in mental health. I owe a lot of my thought work to them. My learnings also continue to build up as I keep meeting clients from diverse walks of life. They teach me so much and offer an honest, authentic mirror to my practice. I am eager to unlearn, relearn and grow with my clients.

I am low-key jealous of your travel itinerary and the fun times that you are having in your research, while my PhD journey continues to be quite uneventful so far. But I am waiting to hear about your experiences at the third destination. I bet interesting stories are in the making even as I write to you!

Warmly
Aritra

To be continued.

Email icon credit: Mariia Shalabaieva on Unsplash

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